I had a rough winter. If you read my last post, you know I ended up with cervical cancer. Throughout the winter and into the spring my situation seemed to get worse with every visit. For most of that time, I felt great, so it was perplexing to hear that I had not only one but two serious, life-threatening health issues that required ongoing treatment for the rest of my life. I had been doing so well. What happened? This is what happened.
Getting a second premature cancer diagnosis in less than four years is never a good thing. As I said in February, I consider my first cancer diagnosis to be a necessary evil. I was miserable, in a toxic environment and I needed to get out. Breast cancer was not the way out I would have chosen, but it worked. I made the important and necessary life changes. I got my life back in time to recognize and appreciate what I have. I felt well and was moving forward. The second cancer diagnosis erased, at least for a little while, all that good, hard work I had done. It was a punch in the gut. Not only took the wind right out of my sails, but it also capsized and sunk the boat.
The first time, four years ago, it took me less than 24 hours of wallowing in self-pity to buck up, realize I could do it and even recognize that it was just what I needed. The second time took a lot longer to process. Since I felt like I was already doing the things I needed to do, whatever lesson to be learned here seemed cruel and unusual. How can I make sense of this? In time I came to accept it and consider it a reminder that life is short, it isn’t fair, and there are no guarantees. So make the most of it.
Live life now and without regret.
I still couldn’t quite believe that this was happening. I needed major surgery, a radical hysterectomy, but then it would be over. Surgery is still a major hurdle. Not something to take lightly. Things can always go wrong, but I should be able to get through it, recover and then be back to myself, and doing the things I love and enjoy, the things that make life worth living. Instead, it got so much worse. [Read more…] about This is what happened after cervical cancer